


I keep my hearts protected, far away from my sleeve

by doctorrsong



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, timebaby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 10:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorrsong/pseuds/doctorrsong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fic title from Emeli Sandé's "My Kind of Love", chapter title from Ed Sheeran's "Kiss Me".</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. I've fallen for your eyes but they don't know me yet

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from Emeli Sandé's "My Kind of Love", chapter title from Ed Sheeran's "Kiss Me".

The sound of the ticking clock hanging above my office door normally served as a type of soothing balm when I’d had a long day at work. Today, however, my feet ached, my head ached, muscles I didn’t even know I had ached, and the only thing I had on my mind was a hot bath and a long nap. Not necessarily in that order and possibly at the same time if I was exhausted enough to doze off in the tub.

 

I leaned back in my chair, barely noticing the creak as my eyes slid shut. My hands automatically slid to my stomach and rested comfortably over the bump there. Despite the day I’d had, a smile came to my lips. I traced my fingers lightly over my belly, my smile growing as I thought of the little being growing inside of me. I was comforted by its presence and I could feel some of the tension I’d been carrying slipping away from me.

 

I longed to go home, but I had a commitment to the University. I was supposed to be available to my students for the next hour even though they rarely ever came to my office. They preferred the convenience of emailing me over the idea of a face to face interaction. Eventually I made up my mind and decided to cut short my office hour. Just as I was about to rise, a timid knock came at the door.

 

My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose and I resisted the urge to sigh. This was my luck. “Come in,” I called, trying to sound pleasant. I was not so cruel as to take out my frustrations on an unsuspecting student.

 

A head of dark hair peeked in and one of my students slipped into the office nervously. The girl was a tiny thing, one of my first years, and I immediately relaxed. I couldn’t recall her name, but I knew that I was fond of her. She was truly interested in my field of work and I could remember her coming to me at the beginning of the semester to ask for advice on what she could do with a degree in archaeology. I was always delighted when I had students who were interested in following the same path I did.

 

Her name suddenly came back to me. “Sarah,” I greeted warmly. “What can I do for you, my dear?”

 

Sarah shuffled her feet, and I wondered why she looked so nervous. She regarded me with big blue eyes and her dark lashes contrasted sharply against the paleness of her skin. I wondered if I’d looked so unsure at her age. I watched curiously as she reached into the leather bag she had slung over her shoulder. “My mum said that this cream is really helpful for alleviating sore muscles and she said she used it while she was pregnant with me and that it worked like a charm and I thought maybe you’d like to try it,” she said all in one breath. She was holding out a jar in the palm of her hand and my startled gaze dropped to it.

 

My breath caught and a sudden wave of emotion came over me at such thoughtfulness from someone who barely knew me. Someone who owed me nothing. When she shuffled again, I realised that I hadn’t yet reacted. I lifted myself from my chair and reached over to take the jar from her, gingerly plucking it from her hand. “This is so kind,” I said. My voice sounded a bit hoarse to me so I cleared my throat and distracted myself with unscrewing the jar. I brought it to my nose and inhaled tentatively.

 

Lavender and vanilla permeated my senses and my lashes fluttered. “This smells divine!” I enthused. “Thank you, Sarah.”

 

When I lifted my eyes to hers again, it was obvious that she had visibly relaxed. She had a pleased smile curving her lips. I grasped that she’d been nervous at the idea that I’d reject such a thoughtful gift. “I’m glad you like it,” she said finally. “Let me know if it helps any, and I can get you some more. My mum makes it.” She was already backing toward the door, a sudden knowing look in her eyes. “I realise you were probably about to head home, but I just wanted to catch you before you did.”

 

I opened my mouth to tell her that she didn’t have to leave right away, but a twinge in my lower back silenced me. Her eyes were sympathetic. “Thank you,” I said sincerely.

 

“I hope you feel better, Dr. Song.”

 

I watched her leave and smiled warmly before gathering up my belongings. Sometimes it took a little push from someone else to realise that it was time to go home. I wouldn’t be much good to the University if I stayed her anyway. I was more likely to doze off than really help a student.

 

x

 

My flat was dark and cold as I slipped inside and locked the door behind me. I tossed my keys onto the table beside the door and slipped out of my coat, craving that bath more than ever. I longed for the soothing sensation of the hot water numbing my aches and pains away and began to unbutton my blouse as I walked to the bathroom. I dropped the silky material in the hallway before tugging down the stretchy waistband of the skirt I wore. It dropped and I stepped out of it before moving into the bathroom, clad in just my stockings, bra, and knickers.

 

It took me a moment to get the temperature I wanted, but when I finally had the taps set the way I liked, I dumped a fair amount of bubblebath under the running water. While the tub filled, I stripped out of the rest of my clothing and pulled my hair up. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with washing it tonight. The curls required too much maintenance when all I wanted to do was relax.

 

I caught my reflection in the mirror on the back of the door and turned so that I could see my profile. I hadn’t noticed how much the baby had grown in the past few weeks. It was clearly apparent that I was pregnant now. I’d been able to keep it quiet for the first few months with loose dresses and sweaters, but the idea of that was absurd now with the size of my protruding belly. I smoothed my palms over my skin and smiled when I brushed against my belly button. It had popped last month and I’d been delighted at the new development. I wondered as I often did what the Doctor would think of my changing body.

 

I hadn’t seen him in a very long time. Since the baby had been conceived, to be exact, and I’d been working hard to establish some kind of normality in my mess of a life. My priorities had quickly been turned around and I knew that I couldn’t chase after adventure while I was pregnant. I’d decided that taking care of myself was the best thing I could do so I returned to the University. The Dean owed me a few personal favours and so it had been easy to regain the teaching position I’d left.

 

I wondered how long I’d go without seeing my husband again. Will I have given birth by then? How long would the baby go without meeting its father?

 

It was difficult for me to think along these lines, and so I pushed the Doctor to the back of my head as I stepped into the bath. I sunk into the hot water and moaned at the sensation. My feet rested against the other end of the tub and I sunk down to my chin. My nose wrinkled when the bubbles tickled the tip of it and I blew lightly to clear the suds dancing around my face. They went flying everywhere, some of them coming towards me rather than away and I huffed when a fair amount splattered onto my face.

 

I muttered darkly, glaring at the rest of the bubbles like it was their fault and like they could understand that I wasn’t impressed with them. They could at least have the decency to droop a bit when I was scolding them. I rested my hands on my belly under the water and closed my eyes, momentarily forgetting about the treacherous bubbles as the water worked its magic.

 

I could feel my muscles loosening, numbing, and I was aware that I was falling asleep. It was an odd sensation, knowing that you were going to start dreaming at any moment. It was even stranger still to be aware of the fact that you were dreaming and to have some control over what you experienced. I’d been conditioned to sleep this way, of course. I had developed this particular awareness as a defense mechanism as a teenager.

 

Madame Kovarian had often tried to permeate my unconscious; however I’d always been able to distinguish between a dream that was composed of my own personal thoughts and one that was infused with her subliminal ideas and suggestions. She’d never been able to figure out why the machine they hooked me up to every night shorted out at least once a week.

 

I smirked at the reminder, recalling how frustrated the woman had been every time it happened. I took satisfaction in sabotaging her plans wherever and whenever I could. She never suspected me, always assuming that she had me firmly under her thumb and that I could never think for myself. I’d played my part well, acting like a subservient girl that knew nothing of the world. But Kovarian had made a mistake.

 

She’d allowed me to read. I devoured literature like I was starved for it, feeding my mind and learning what it meant to be a decent human being through every character I met along the way. I read about the Doctor during that time too, but the only literature about him I was provided with was the rubbish Kovarian herself had interpreted and written out. I’d doubted everything I read written in the woman’s spidery scrawl.

 

Thoughts of my childhood spun away from me as I fell into sleep. As always, the Doctor was there to greet me. His flop of brown hair fell into his eyes as he stumbled over to me and I couldn’t hide my fond smile. He swept me off my feet and spun me around, making me giggle and cling to his neck. I wasn’t pregnant in the dream and so my body was pressed flush against his.

 

I remembered this perfectly. I liked to relive memories while I was dreaming. It helped me to remember details more vividly when I decided to make a journal entry. This was one of my favourite memoirs. I’d been so young, so certain of the Doctor’s love for me back then. My biggest concern had been completing my education. It was something that was important to me, something that I was doing for myself because learning was, and always would be, an essential part of me. I never wanted to stop. My ever learning, ever adaptive brain was the reason I’d survived so long. 

 

He’d visited me at the University, just before I’d earned my first degree, and I had been shocked when he’d wrapped me up in his arms. I’d still been nervous around him. He’d been the one with all the answers while I had to flounder around and deal with him knowing far more than I did. It hadn’t been as infuriating as I would have expected. I’d always looked at it like finding more pieces to a puzzle I was working on.

 

Despite my surprise, I had snaked my arms around his neck and clung to him. There was something comforting about the way my body fitted against his, and I was soothed further by the scent of his cologne. I’d felt like there was no place better than the circle of his arms. I still felt that way today.

 

From the very beginning, I’d felt an undeniable attraction to him. My body responded immediately to his proximity and I was disappointed when he set me down on my feet. He handled me with a familiarity I wasn’t accustomed to and I found that I became shy around him when he placed his hand on the small of my back. It was new to me, this sense of nervous giddiness around a man. My hearts forgot how to keep a steady rhythm whenever he was close and all I wanted to do was wrap myself around him and never let go. I couldn’t resist the pull that drew me in so helplessly.

 

It terrified me. I’d never admitted to him, but I’d been frightened at the intensity of my feelings for him. Love, in my experience, was a weakness that was meant to be exploited. I didn’t want to open myself up to the possibility of pain when I could just as easily prevent it. I’d been so naïve then, believing that my feelings for the Doctor were something I could just brush off whenever I wanted to. I hadn’t known how hopelessly entwined my life with the Doctor was.

 

He made love to me during that first visit, and I’d been lost in him the moment his lips touched mine. Any thoughts of hardening myself against my affections for him were forgotten as he’d touched me in a way I never thought possible. He knew exactly how to touch, precisely where to linger and how to move to make me come apart. He made my toes curl so fast that my first climax left me reeling. His chuckle had washed over me then, his breath puffing over my ear. “That was how I felt the first time we made love,” he’d breathed as his eyes danced over my face and his fingers stroked me idly.

 

If I thought his hands were imbued with some type of magic, they were nothing compared to actually having him inside me.  I’d never understood the idea of sex making you lose control. I’d never experienced such intense pleasure before the Doctor. He’d pushed me higher than I’d ever been and I could only cling to him as wave after wave of bliss washed over me.

It was lying in his arms after that particular round of lovemaking that I knew I’d be lost in him forever. I tried not to think about it, instead focusing on his hearts beating calmly against my back while he slept. My entwined with his and I cuddled back into him, trying to get as close as possible. I didn’t know when I’d see him again and I was loathe to fall asleep, instead wanting to savour his presence while I had it.

 

I came awake in the bath just as I fell into sleep in my dream. The water had cooled considerably and the bubbles had dissipated almost completely. I pouted a bit, shivering as I reached my toes out to pluck the stopper from the tub. The sound of the water draining quickly filled the room before I sighed and pushed myself up. It was becoming a bit difficult to move around now, and I reminded myself to be careful as I got out of the bath.

 

My dream had me smiling as I wrapped a fluffy towel around myself. I didn’t bother with patting myself down as I headed to my room. I could feel the water droplets sliding from my skin as I moved into the room. My huge bed always made me feel more than a little lonely, but I reminded myself that this was the life I had chosen for myself when I’d made the decision to save the Doctor rather than kill him. Feeling sorry for myself wouldn't help anything.

 

I climbed into bed and curled up under the blankets. I was basically dry now and I sighed as the warmth of the room wrapped around me. I tried not to think about the future in these moments because that brought my thoughts back around to the Doctor every time. I’d entertained the idea of just calling the TARDIS on many occasions, but the thought of him discovering my pregnancy was distressing to me.

 

What if he wanted nothing to do with our child? He’d a family before, afterall. What if I reached a younger Doctor that had no idea who I was to him? It hurt too much when I had to deal with his distrustful younger self. There were too many risks associated with trying to contact him, so I reminded myself once more that I’d have to wait for him to come to me. He never answered his phone anyway. Besides, it was easier to pretend that I could handle this if I didn't have to speak about it. I'd never been very good at expressing my emotions. As I drifted off to sleep once again, I found my hearts clenching with the wish that he’d just hurry up and get here. 


	2. All i need's a hand to stop the tears from falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Emeli Sandé's "Next to Me"

I was yawning as I held my tea in one hand and a basket in the other. It was the weekend and that meant that it was time for me to restock the fridge. I’d fallen into a bit of a routine over the past few months and I rather liked it this way. I especially liked it because going every weekend meant that I didn’t have to buy much.

 

I rolled my shoulders as I walked through the produce section and yawned once more. I was seven months pregnant now and I found myself getting tired more and more frequently. My ankles were swollen to the point where I could no longer wear my favourite leather boots so I had stuck my feet in a pair of worn flats this morning. It wasn’t like I could see my feet anyway so I told myself firmly that it didn’t matter what I put them in.

 

It was frustrating to discover that every day there was one more thing I couldn’t fit into but I knew it didn’t matter as I felt the familiar sensation of the baby kicking. The first time I’d felt it, I’d been moved to tears. It was almost like feeling it made it real, concrete. I was having a baby.

 

So instead of bemoaning the fact that I couldn’t fit into anymore of my clothes, I’d gone out and bought several new dresses. I was wearing my favourite one now. It flowed around me when I walked and settled around my knees when I stood still. It was a pastel green and I’d noticed when I looked myself over in the mirror that it brought out the colour of my eyes unlike anything else.  

 

I was busy feeling up an avocado when a sound I hadn’t heard in what felt like ages made my back straighten. I listened intently, my hearts sputtering to a stop before kicking into overdrive and pounding restlessly against my ribs. It was unmistakable. I’d know that sound anywhere.

 

Without a second thought, I set down my basket and hurried around the corner the farmer’s market was situated at. I could feel excitement bubbling under my skin as I waddled toward the sound I always longed to hear. No matter how much I complained about the Doctor leaving the breaks on, I couldn’t deny that hearing them made me feel like I was going to burst out of excitement.

 

He was here. I didn’t know why and I didn’t care. He was here and I could finally tell him about the baby. I was frightened, but I stamped those feelings down. The delight at the prospect of seeing my husband trumped everything else. I rounded the corner and felt myself grinning uncontrollably when I spotted the TARDIS. I could hear its hum calling to me and I didn’t hesitate as I made my way over to it. My hands reached out and I stroked them over the door fondly. It hummed once more, almost like a warm greeting before swinging the doors open for me.  

 

And there he was.

 

My breath caught at the TARDIS’ new interior, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the Doctor long enough to really look at it. My Doctor. He wasn’t wearing his signature tweed, but the thought barely registered as my whole body felt like it was floating. Finally. I was with him again. I felt my eyes water at the sight of him, and when his eyes lifted to see who was at the door, my knees nearly gave out. Our eyes met and he rushed around the console, his limbs flailing this way and that. “River!” he said, marked pleasure making his voice high and excited.

 

I watched him and I was rooted to the spot. He nearly tripped over his feet as he made his way over to me. He froze on his way, his wide eyes fixed on my belly. They darted comically back up to my face before returning to my belly. He sputtered incoherently and I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of me. He looked even funnier when his brows drew together in confusion at my laughter. “You’re _pregnant_!” he squeaked, pointing at my belly.

 

“How did you know?” I asked, resting my hands on the bulge and raising my brows at him. I couldn’t help the sarcastic quip. He’d asked for it by making such an obvious statement.

 

He flailed helplessly, still pointing at me. “River! You’re _really_ pregnant. You- I- look how pregnant you are!” he cried, pointing with both hands now.

 

My brows arched higher. “Yes, I had noticed the growing planet I’ve become,” I said with a huff.

 

His eyes flew back up to mine and he closed the rest of the distance between us wordlessly. His hands reached out tentatively and he licked his lips, looking suddenly timid. “Can I?” he whispered, inches away from touching my belly. I was suddenly touched at the respect he was showing me by asking for permission. I reached out and grabbed his hands, pulling him to me.

 

I could feel the warmth of his palms through my dress and I bit my lip, already melting at being close to him again. I kept my eyes on his face and so I didn’t miss the way it softened. He looked awed and…did I dare hope? Happy. In fact, happy wasn’t the word. He looked absolutely elated. “River,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. He leaned into me and I tipped my face up, a sigh leaving me when his lips brushed over mine.

 

My lashed fluttered and my hands fisted in the lapels of his overcoat. I was home.

 

xx

 

We were back in my flat. We’d gone back to the market and the Doctor had helped me pick out what I was going to make for dinner. I was practically bouncing on my feet and I knew he was resisting the urge to do the same. We were like two over excited children but I couldn’t say that I minded.

 

We hadn’t talked again about the baby after he’d touched the bump, and I wasn’t really sure what to make of that. I wondered if maybe he was waiting until we were a bit more comfortable inside my flat but I was too nervous to bring up the subject myself. Certainly he had some questions he wanted me to answer?

 

Also, we needed to talk about where we would go from here. Did he want to be a permanent part of the child’s life, or would he go back to disappearing for months, sometimes years at a time? They were questions I needed answers to, but I was too much of a coward to bring it up.

 

What was wrong with me? I always prided myself on my strength…and here I was, too afraid of a simple conversation. I focused all of my attention on chopping vegetables while he went about preparing tea for us.

 

I set down the knife I’d been using and jumped when I suddenly felt him at my back. His arms wound around me and his hands rested on my belly. The warmth of him flooded into my back and I sighed, immediately leaning back against him. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed with him and cuddle for the rest of the day. I didn’t want to worry anymore. I just wanted to be able to enjoy his company.

 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered in my ear. “I think you’re what they had in mind when they coined the term _glowing_.”

 

I blushed, leaning my head back against his shoulder. I hadn’t felt very attractive over the past few months. Hearing him say it made my insides quiver and I sighed when he leaned in and kissed my neck. I inhaled sharply when he traced the shell of my ear with his tongue. Heat pooled between my legs. “Don’t do that unless you mean to follow through on it,” I whispered breathlessly. I couldn’t bare the idea of being wound up if he wasn’t going to finish the job.

 

His hands slid up to cup my breasts, letting me know very clearly that he was indeed planning on following through. My back arched me into his hands and my hips pushed me back against the growing bulge I could feel against my arse. I always craved physical contact, but it had become more pronounced with the pregnancy. The months I’d spent alone had been unbearable.

 

He pinched my nipples between his fingers and I sunk my teeth into my lip to keep from screaming. I was so sensitive I felt like he could bring me off just from fondling my breasts. I pressed my thighs together, a small whimper leaving me. That was where I wanted him. I didn’t want him wasting time with my breasts when I could have him where I really needed him.

 

“Patience,” he breathed, nipping at my earlobe. I gasped when I realised I’d been speaking aloud. “I want to savour you.”

 

“I don’t want to be savoured,” I whimpered impatiently, pushing my hips back harder against his. He groaned at the pressure. “I need you now, Doctor.”

 

He swore softly. “Here?” he asked.

 

I nodded my head and felt my curls brush against my shoulders as I did. “Now,” I moaned. I felt him shuffle us away from the food on the counter before I leaned my elbows on a clean portion of it to brace myself. I stuck my arse out, giggling when he smacked it fondly before yanking my skirt up.

 

“River Song,” he growled, his hand stroking over my bared skin. “A dress and no knickers?”

 

“It’s nothing new,” I replied cheekily. I heard him chuckle and it made me smile as I listened to him fumble with his trousers. I wriggled my hips impatiently and laughed when he swore again. Finally he managed to free himself and step in closer to me. He didn’t waste any time, quickly positioning himself and pushing into me.

 

I dropped my forehead into my arms at the sensation of him filling me. I wanted to claw at the counter and scream at the intensity of the pleasure drumming through me but I managed to stamp down that wildness when he slid in all the way to the hilt before pulling his hips back and repeating. I wasn’t going to last very long. My body missed had missed him, and my every nerve ending felt like it was singing at being reunited with him.

 

He was gentle with me, mindful of my belly as he moved. He still managed to land every stroke expertly, and I felt like he was driving me out of my mind each time he filled me. “Doctor,” I moaned on a sigh.

 

“I’ve got you,” he said, stroking a hand over my ribs and making me quake under him. “Let go, sweetheart.”

 

My body obeyed him almost instantly. The coiled spring in my lower abdomen snapped and I was flooded with nothing but bliss. I screamed as I clamped down on him. I drove my hips back against him, trying to keep his still thrusting length inside me as I contracted around it. “Doctor,” I chanted, unable to articulate anything else.

 

I heard his fulfilled groan when he followed after me over the edge of pleasure. He stilled his hips and we both panted as we tried to regain our breath. He smoothed my dress down over me after finally pulling out. I could hear him fixing his own clothing before he gently pulled me away from the counter.

 

I immediately cuddled under his chin before squealing when he bent and scooped me up in his arms. “Doctor!” I protested.

 

“Time for a nap,” he said pleasantly. I could only stare at him as he carried me to my room.

 

“We can’t leave the vegetables out,” I protested lamely. My bottom lip pushed out when he gave me an amused look.

 

“I’ll go put everything in the fridge while you get settled in bed.”

 

I thought that was a good deal and I told him as much, grinning at his chuckle. He placed me gently on the bed, kissed me lightly and left the room to take care of preserving dinner.

 

I was excited at the thought of finally sharing this oversized bed with my husband. It felt like I’d been waiting an eternity to get him into it with me. I decided that I wouldn’t bring up the issues concerning the baby until he did. I sense that he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. I also sensed that he had the decency to not make me wait too long to have such an important conversation.

 

I slipped my dress over my head, hauled off my bra before tossing everything across the room and climbing under the blankets. When the Doctor came back into the room, I was settled comfortably on my side. He offered me a handsome smile and stripped out of his clothes. I kept my eyes on him. He was my husband. I was allowed to ogle him.  

 

I saw him give me the smile that told me he knew exactly what I was thinking before he moved around the bed and slid under the covers behind me. He pulled me back into his chest and I felt more at ease than I had in years.

 

“I love you,” he whispered. I melted at his words, and melted further when I felt him stroke his hand over my belly. I knew in that moment that he wasn’t only telling _me_ that he loved me, but our unborn child as well. 


End file.
